In Memory

It has been 1 year 6 months and roughly 28 days (factoring in days of the month and all) since anyone has seen you last. This is a day of celebration and mourn.

I remember distinctly the last birthday presents I gave you…I had given you a Mead 5* 5 Subject notebook with some nice pens, then I added in the girlie stuff; body washes and smell good stuff. Your reaction was not what I had expected. I thought it was a little cheesy to be giving you these things, and we didn’t have the money to buy you the things I really wanted you to have. But to my surprise, you LOVED them! You told me that the notebook and pens were exactly what you needed but couldn’t find the time to get them yourself.

You are an amazing woman to me. Full time job, mom, and student, yet you still found the time for family and a social life. When I was 14 or 15 you came home with this beautiful crystal angel I think it was on a small rounded platform. I asked who it was from or who it was for. You told me of a customer whom had given that to you for always being there when they needed you and your pharmaceutical expertise. We always knew you had a way with people. You could get anyone into church, and even though you always told me *you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink it*. Yet, somehow, you got the damn horse there and re-hydrated him!

Some will never understand what happened on that morning, but I do. I know a lot more than most of the while family does and I shall keep the secret. Kearstin wants me to spill the beans but I am not. She is not ready for that. One day after praying over it and hoping you will miraculously appear to me or speak to me, I will know when to divulge some or all of that said information. I promised you at the grave or shortly there after that I would look after her and Daddy and I am. She is a tough one. She is beginning to remind us all a little too much of you at times! LOL

The days grow long at times and I still hurt immensely over you. But the days have become a bit more manageable. I guess after a certain amount of time that will happen. Please look down on Kearstin and help her find her own *Path*. I am afraid she is becoming a follower, at least some of the times. She has her own followers, but why can’t she lead more rather than less?

You should see your Grandbabies! I really wish you had more time to bond with Alicia. I know after her birth things were so out of hand. But you and Daddy didn’t understand what I was going through at that time, and I do not believe anyone outside of Josh, my Mom, and myself ever will. Shoot! Even Mom didn’t get it at all times until she would come to see me. But that was/is how she handles my sicknesses… She acts PISSED OFF.

Over the past 7-8 months or so I really needed you here with me. I have been through a lot with the kids and Josh, oh and don’t forget my tumor infestation! Yeah, I talk to my Mom a lot, but it’s not the same without you here. I can’t drop by and see you or go to the mall to have some coffee and talk about life. That is what I need and miss. You, just plain old you.

For now I must go. But please have a Happy 36th Birthday up in Heaven. I am sure they have the most perfect of cakes :-)

Love You Always and Forever...
~ Melissa Brooke ~